I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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