Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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