and you said cock pushups were impossible
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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