Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
