we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
