they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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