the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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