woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
