Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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