mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she looked like the before picture.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
