friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
