We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
