Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
