Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
