Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
