Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
