Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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