I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
