I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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