I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
4 words: hood of his car
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
