Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
someone owes me an orgasm
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
