as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
