So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
