Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
