U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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