Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
