Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
