So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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