Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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