I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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