You made me cry and you don't even care
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
