I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
