Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
