I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
