If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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