I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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