I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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