Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
