she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
