She is in my trunk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
