My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
