last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
