if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
