quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
