I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
