I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
