Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
nutella sex= disaster
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
