so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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