please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
