i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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