I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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