I want to make a zoo with you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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