Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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