I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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