Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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