I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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