i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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