are you so shy because you have an std?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
