so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
