i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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