if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
