I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
