Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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