new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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