We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
