just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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