she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
