Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
