When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
