don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
