Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
