saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
