Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
