Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
