Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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