Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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