Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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