I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
