Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
