11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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