Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
