I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pants are for mortals
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